


On Duty

by bergamot



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Happy Ending, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4961020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bergamot/pseuds/bergamot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaime and Brienne guard the Iron Throne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Duty

**Author's Note:**

> JB Week, Day 5: JB Series Finale Speculation Day!
> 
> I don't even know. You can blame this one entirely on alcohol.

 

“Do you think he’ll notice?”

“Not a chance.”

“Should we tell him?”

“And who would that serve, wench?”

“Oh, I don’t know… our king?”

“Leave the clever quips to me, wench. I like you better when you’re surly; otherwise, you ruin all my fun.”

“You say that when I _am_ being surly!”

“Semantics.”

“I am _not_ being surly.”

“No, you’re trying to be helpful.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“And you’re obstinate. What a perfect pair we make.”

“ _Jaime_.”

“Brienne.”

“We’re really not going to tell him?”

“It’s what he gets for taking her seat.”

“I don’t think he meant it.”

“You saw him through he doorway! He climbed the steps and sat down. How else should we interpret that?”

“Perhaps he hoped to gain perspective.”

“Oh, Jon Snow will never acquire _that_.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be more respectful?”

“No, that’s why I have you – you’ve twice the honor as me, and I twice the insolence of you.”

“What a pair we make.”

“You’re catching on, wench.”

“I really think we should tell him.”

“I disagree. Imagine the treat Her Majesty will enjoy when she discovers it for herself.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Don’t lie – you _would_. You should have heard them last night.”

“No thank you, Ser.”

“It sounded like her dragons had joined them in the room.”

“Jaime!”

“Don’t worry, wench, we were louder.”

“Someone could overhear us!”

“Oh, I’d say there’s a _very_ good chance they already have.”

“I can’t believe we’re discussing this right now.”

“Would you rather be discussing Jon Snow’s ass?”

“Only if it’s in his presence.”

“You are a strange wench.”

“Stranger still for having chosen _you_.”

“An aging cripple with one hand. Yes, thank you, I had almost forgotten.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“Do I? Perhaps you should come over here and show me what you really meant.”

“A Queensguard does not leave her post.”

“How do you know?”

“Beg pardon?”

“It’s been years since Westeros had a Queensguard. How do you know what they did back then?”

“Surely you aren’t suggesting – “

“I think I am.”

“ – that they left their posts to – “

“In fact, I know I am.”

“ – play around with other members!”

“Well.”

“I only meant –“

“I don’t know about playing with members, wench… Perhaps we ought to find a more private space for that.”

“That’s not what I meant, Ser!”

“No? Did you mean to say penis instead?”

“Jaime!”

“Wench!”

“I meant to say peers, brothers-in-arms!”

“Plural? Trust me, wench, I’m not the sharing type.”

“Oh, for the love of the Seven!”

“How do you think that would work, anatomically speaking?”

“I am ignoring you.”

“Your blush tells me otherwise.”

“Still ignoring you.”

“Come here, wench.”

“A Queensguard does not leave her –“

“Yes, yes, I know, but I think there’s something in this alcove that you should see.”

“Ser, I am not stupid.”

“Oh come, wench!”

“No.”

“I meant that literally.”

“Jaime.”

“What if I just – “

“Jaime!”

“No? How about this?”

“I – Jaime, please, now that is quite enough! Someone could walk by at any – _oh_.”

“Yes, wench?”

“That’s quite … nice.”

“How nice?”

“Mmph.”

“Wench?”

“Stop talking.”

“Apologies. Shall I return to my post, my lady?”

“No! I – I mean, yes?”

“You’ll have to release my hand, then, wench.”

“I – _ah_ …”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Perhaps just a little to the left? And then? With your – ah, yes, _yes_ , that’s it.”

“Brienne.”

“ _Mmph…_ ”

“Yes?”

“Yes!”

“Say my name, Brienne.”

“I – _ah_ , oh, I can’t, I can’t!”

“You can Brienne – say it now, my lady.”

“ _Jaime!_ ”

“Ah, _Brienne_ , my lady, my wench.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, Brienne?”

“That was…”

“I know.”

“I can’t believe we just –“

“No need to thank me, wench.”

“Right next to – “

“I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“You have?”

“You don’t know how good Queensguard white looks on you. It’s torture to see you stalking around the Keep in white leather and satin.”

“And you, my lord.”

“Jaime.”

“Jaime.”

“Brienne?”

“Yes?”

“Are you still imagining Jon Snow’s ass?”

“Oh for fucks –“

“A jape, my lady, it was a jape!”

“I still think we should tell him.”

“And spoil the Queen’s fun?”

“He’s walking around with his pants ripped and his bottom on show!”

“That’s what he gets for sitting on a throne made of naked steel, wench.”

“But he’s our king!”

“Only by coincidence.”

“A king is a king!”

“And an ass is an ass. Where is your sense of justice, wench? He besmirched your lady’s seat!”

“I remind you again, Ser, that he is our king.”

“ _Gods_ , I can still smell you on my fingers.”

“Stop trying to redirect!”

“I wasn’t! But it’s distracting. I’d take you against the Iron Throne right now if I thought you’d let me.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“I know.”

“I’d be too busy picturing Jon Snow’s ass.”

“Was that a jape, my lady?”

“Perhaps…”

“You make me proud.”

“How was it?”

“His ass?”

“The jape!”

“Oh! A solid attempt – contextual, well-timed, just the faintest hint of snark.”

“Damn.”

“Snark is a good thing, wench.”

“I meant ‘damn’ in the sense that it was only a faint hint. I shall strive for something stronger next time.”

“You _are_ obstinate.”

“And you’re incorrigible.”

“Gods, I love you wench.”

“And I you, my lord.”

“What a pair we make.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
